FU FB

Thank you, South Park. I know I'm a little slow in getting this post up, mainly because I'm thanking the show for an episode that it aired almost a week ago, but I have a Tivo, and so I watch things on my own schedule.

Last week's episode took a swing at Facebook, and it didn't disappoint. It hit the nail right on the head and was basically like they took the list of reasons that I have in my head as to why I do not/will not use Facebook and made a whole episode about it. I'll say it outright: I hate Facebook.

Facebook is stupid.

I'll readily admit that when I was in college, what feels like a million years ago, that I had a Facebook page for about six months. Then life got busy and I went a few months without logging into it, and when I finally did again, it had turned into Stalker-Central. There were all of a sudden these news feeds, and so-and-so is now friends with so-and-so which didn't really matter because you had no idea who this other so-and-so was, and people could send you presents and it was all just very confusing and overwhelming and time consuming and it was no longer a good thing. Plus I was sick of getting messages from mouth-breathers saying "You have really pretty eyes, will you go out with me?" No, I will not go out with you. So that was the end of Facebook for me. Deleted.

And then all of a sudden a couple of years ago, Facebook just blew up and now MY GRANDMOTHER HAS A FACEBOOK PAGE. My seventy-three year old grandmother. And my fifty-five year old father. And my sixty-one year old mother-in-law. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? And everyone is so obsessed with it and so concerned about who their friends are and how many friends they have and updating their statuses and playing some stupid farm game WHEN THEY AREN'T EVEN FARMERS and it's just reached this level of ridiculousness and prevalence that is just way too much for me.

I'm too lazy to pick up a phone and call most people that I know, but I don't fake it by being some one's cyber-friend. I'm perfectly okay with what that says about me: I'M TOO LAZY TO CARE ABOUT YOU. Clicking "Accept" to make someone your friend on Facebook does not make them any more your friend than just plain old screening your calls does. It requires no effort.

And newsflash: that person that you haven't spoken to since junior high? THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PICTURES THAT YOU POSTED. THEY'RE NOT EVEN LOOKING.