Here in Southern California we sure love our earthquakes. An earthquake happens, even the most minor tremblor possible to still be classified as an earthquake, and it's like a damn nuclear bomb went off. BREAKING NEWS.
There was a 4.4-magnitude earthquake this morning (at 4:04 am to be exact, you can't make that kind of symmetry up, natch) that was centered less than 10 miles away from where we live. It likely would have gone unnoticed by me had I not been up a few minutes earlier to go to the bathroom. Edgar woke up near the end of it looking confused, and after a "Earthquake. It's over. Go back to sleep" from me he was out like a light in promptly 4.4 seconds. HOW EASY WAS THAT?
But you would think by the media coverage that the ubiquitous Big One had just hit. Now, I grew up in the Mid-West, so earthquakes were new to me when I moved to California. My very first earthquake happened in the middle of the night, and garnered the same response from Edgar to me as I gave to him this morning. I've gotten used to them over time and now they're no big deal to me, even though I do get that little thrill every time the earth just magically starts shaking and rumbling underneath my feet. I'm sure I would feel differently if I was driving and a freeway bridge collapsed or my home tumbled down around my head, but that has never happened so I'm a-okay with earthquakes to this point.
This is Southern California. There are earthquakes. But people are all OH MY GOD AN EARTHQUAKE WITH ALL OF THE SHAKING WHATEVER SHALL WE DO, I THINK I BETTER CALL THE NEWS BECAUSE HOW ON EARTH WILL THEY EVER KNOW ABOUT THE EARTHQUAKE. WITH ALL OF THE SHAKING. Seriously, that's what it's like. On a local news station's website this morning, they mentioned in their story that they received calls from locations "all over the Southland" of people reporting shaking, and then listing the wide array of cities that people called in from. BECAUSE ALL OF THAT SHAKING HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I just don't get it. The earthquake happened this morning and I was all "geez, I really hope that no fire trucks or ambulances get called from the station near our apartment because I'd really like to go back to sleep now." At no time did it ever cross my mind "I really need to call ABC7 right now because there is obviously no way that they know about this and I really hope they get the scoop over KTLA."
They're the news, people. They know. They're going to talk to the USGS anyways. They don't need you.
Around this time last year there was a mild earthquake, like a 3.0, that was centered out near San Bernardino. Edgar and I were watching TV at the time. The earthquake was literally so slight that I thought it was just Edgar tapping his leg against the edge of the bed. But oh, no, not so. The show were were watching was cut into by BREAKING NEWS, where they proceeded to show the obligatory shot of the seismograph from the USGS shaking it's pen all over the paper while taking a call live from a woman in Fontana. "And I looked at my closet--my closet door was open--and I saw my clothes, and they were just shaking!" And she was so serious that you'd think the Osama Bin Laden himself had broken into her house and staged the worst terrorist attack since 9/11 on her walk-in. And the newscasters were trying to make it a much bigger story than it was, like "Oh, do you have any damages?" And she's all "no, but my neighbor's dog is barking a lot now."
This is Southern California. We have gangs and drugs and paparazzi and Britney Spears not driving all crazy through the streets of Beverly Hills anymore and the Lakers and the Kardashians and wildfires and traffic and pedestrians getting run over on PCH without the drivers of the cars even stopping, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU CONSIDER NEWS? A BARKING DOG? SERIOUSLY, CALIFORNIA? My Caps Lock button shames you.
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