I've written before about how my car has a mind of it's own. Like when I press on the accelerator and the car does not speed up at an equivalent rate as to how much I'm pushing my foot down, how it groans and sputters as I try to urge it to go after sitting idle for a while. How it sometimes forces me to look death right in the face because I've turned on red and now all of a sudden it won't accelerate past 10 miles an hour and if it had been behaving normally I would be so far away from the intersection by now and not bugging anyone but now OH HOLY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE.
Like that.
Driving home on Thursday of last week, the check engine light came on in my car right as I left work and experienced one of those "Go, car, go you fucker!" moments. Probably not good, right? I noticed it sputtering more than usual the entire way home, which was disconcerting because that behavior normally stops after a few minutes once the car is sufficiently warmed up. Which is still ridiculous because me? I live in California. IT'S ALREADY FUCKING WARM. So what did I do? I made Edgar drive the car on Friday because it was my day off and I had errands to run and if I don't leave the parking garage where we park the Neon by a certain time in the morning we would have to pay $12 to get it out. And do you really want me to have to make multiple trips to that parking garage to lug back all of the groceries and YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENTS THAT I'M BUYING TODAY? Good luck on the 405, buddy.
We were going to take the car to have it looked at on Saturday, but the skies decided to open up on Friday night and Edgar left the window in the loft open and the couch got completely soaked by the water coming in, so we had other pressing matters to deal with on Saturday and the car got shunted to the side. Plus it continued to rain throughout the day on Saturday and that never seems like a good time to go to a mechanic.
We set out on Sunday to finally get to the bottom of the engine light issue. The original plan was to take it to the Midas a few blocks away, but when we got there, it was closed. What is wrong with this world that a car repair place is closed on a Sunday? You'd think Saturdays and Sundays would be these peoples' bread and butter from walk-ins that were too lazy to take care of the problem on the day that it presented itself and does that sound like anyone you know?! So I had the brilliant idea that we should go to Auto-Zone. The Auto-Zone doesn't have a garage, but a few years ago when I had an engine light come on I was able to go to one and use an On Board Diagnostic scanner for free to find out what the problem was. So after waiting in line for 20 minutes at Auto-Zone, they tell me that they can no longer lend their scanner out because someone sued them about it, but do I want to buy one of my very own for $60? Goodbye, Auto-Zone. The guy suggested that we give Aamco a try. Guess who else is closed on Sundays? AAMCO. So we double back and try out a Napa Auto Parts. Nope, they don't have a scanner. How about you try Kragen? So we go there, and after listening to this crazy lady yell at her son to Put down that damn bottle, if you touch anything in here that doesn't have your name on it one more time I'm gonna drop kick you (lucky his name wasn't Armorall, huh?) we finally, FINALLY are told after visiting all of those places that the law has been changed and no one can lend out an OBD scanner. THANK YOU ALL OF THOSE OTHER PLACES THAT COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME IN THE FIRST PLACE THAT IT'S NOW AGAINST THE LAW AND NOT SUGGEST THAT I TRY THIS PLACE. AND THEN HOW ABOUT THIS PLACE. Motherfuckers.
While searching out all of these auto-parts stores, we happened to spot this filthy garage that I normally would never have gone near. I'm usually a believe in if my brother can't fix it, I need to go to one of those places that's definitely on the up and up and has those huge vehicle bays and stacks of tires and smells like rubber and interior cleaner and is attached to a huge store that peddles shiny hubcaps and special towels to wash your car with. This place was in a dilapidated-looking building with a surrounding lot crammed full of cars that looked like they hadn't been moved in years.
This place was my savior.
It was run by a Filipino guy who had a garage dog with bug-eyes named Princess. We told him what was going on and he was like "Oh, no problem, let me check it out for you." He used his scanner to check it out FREE OF CHARGE. Then he popped the hood, pulled out a spark plug wire, and said "This is your problem." All we had to do was buy a new set of spark plug wires, and he replaced them on the spot for $25.00. No waiting.
BLESS YOU, FILIPINO MAN. My car now runs incredibly smoothly. Turns out the problem all along was that the spark plug wire was messed up and misfiring, and that was what was causing the car to stutter and sputter and be an all around asshole.
But what pisses me off, is that the last time I took this car for a tune-up at one of those fancy-schmancy garages, they told me that "Oh, it's fine, that sputtering is just caused by the age of the car. This tune-up will fix it." The car that is only now seven years old. And it didn't fix it. Dirty grubbing money stealers.
All is well in the world again. Except that the windows are open in the apartment and it's apparently going to rain and now the couch is going to be all wet again.
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