When I was a teenager, I was lucky in that I was never prone to huge breakouts of acne on my face. It would be pimple here, a pimple there, and often monstrous in size, but never in in the large surface area spattering to which a lot of kids that age were susceptible. Even so, I still wasn't pleased with the appearance and growth of a brand new Texas-sized pimple just as the last one would angrily fade back in to my skin.
Unfortunately, at the age of 25 I have still not grown out of my propensity for Pimples That Will Take Over The World. When I was younger I would sometimes get a few of these at the same time; one on the forehead, one on the chin, one on the side of the nose. My mother often felt the need to say things like "Do you know you have a huge pimple on your nose?" NO MOTHER, I DIDN'T, AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF YOU HADN'T POINTED IT OUT TO ME IN FRONT OF SEVEN STRANGERS. It must be a mom thing. I can only hope that I will break that vicious cycle once I have children of my own. Over the last two years though, this occurrence has become more and more commonplace. I've often woken up, looked in the mirror, and muttered "Where the hell did you come from?" to a golf ball-sized* pimple on my chin.
*Size might be exaggerated due to traumatic stress.
I'm currently in the midst of waging war on THREE (count 'em, three) separate Pimples From Hell That Have Come To End The World. One on my jaw line, one on my chin, and one above my lip. And I fear that I am losing the battle to save humanity. The one on my jaw line seemed ripe for the popping yesterday; it had that little white head and all. And it looked like it was just one pore, ready to pop in that utterly satisfying and disgusting way. Unfortunately, it was not as ready as I thought it was. And after squeezing the hell out of it, nothing came out and I only succeeded in making the whole area red, more sore than it already was, and releasing a lot of blood on the inside so that it is now a half pimple/half scab monstrosity on my chin. The one on my chin has been an equal pain in my ass, starting out as a huge pimple that encompassed several different pores, so it had that huge green booger look. It semi-popped itself the other day, and now that the resultant red scabby part is healing, another brand new uber-pimple has come up RIGHT NEXT TO IT. That's awesome. The one above my lip was sent here from Satan. I hate pimples that come up right there. They hurt in a way totally different from a chin pimple or forehead pimple. This one started out kind of small on Sunday. When I woke up yesterday I begrudgingly noticed that it had gotten bigger. Thinking as I went to bed last night that it would be smaller this morning, I was rudely surprised when I got up today and found it larger and more painful than before. It's also one of those happy uber-pimples that looks like a big booger.
Edgar's solution to every pimple is the Just Pop It approach, but I can't buy into that. I only pop pimples that look like a sure thing, ones that you can tell will only require one simple pop to send them into oblivian. Otherwise, you end up with scars, and I don't want those on my face. I already have too many as it is; if you look closely at my chin you can see lots of faint bumps that are slightly darker than the rest of my skin. They're not super noticeable, and can be covered with makeup, but I still know that they're there. I'm not a fan of those, and I never would intentionally do something to give me more of those. But these pimples that I have right now, these pimples are a whole 'nuther animal. I swear, the one above my lip, when I glance down I can see it sticking out from my face. THAT'S WITHOUT A MIRROR, PEOPLE.
I feel like the whole situation is pretty unfair, because I take care of my skin. I wash my face every morning and night. I've tried all of the different cleansers. Cream cleansers, gel cleansers, microdermabrasion cleansers, Holy Water, everything. I lately have started a new skin care regimen, and I follow up the washing with a very good toner made specifically for people with oily skin, like me. I then attack the Pimples That Want To Kill You And Your Family with prescription strength Retin-A. This stuff doesn't really do anything for me though, except make the skin around the pimple really dry, while doing nothing to dry out said offending pimple. I also recently started using this new product by Lancome called Genifique, a "youth activiting serum" or some such nonesense. I don't know what exactly it's supposed to do, but it's made my skin really soft and smooth. It's even helped with the appearance of old scars on my chin. Except for the Evil Pimples. I know the products I'm using aren't causing these, because this was happening before I started using them. I rarely use foundation anymore because that's just like feeding fuel to Satan's fire, and I don't have a death wish.
I just want it to go away. I feel so sorry for my future children. Edgar, at the age of 33, will also occasionally get a pimple here or there, but never as large as the ones that I get. His are Wannabe Rulers Of The World. Mine are the Real Deal. Basically, our children are screwed and will have THE WORST SKIN OF ALL TIME. Future babies, I apologize profusely.
My face hurts.
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