Yesterday at the gym......not so good :(
I only ran 12 minutes at a 5.2. The plan was 18 minutes at a 5.2. But, alas, even the best laid plans go awry. I had full intentions of going the whole time that I wanted when I started, but my calves were killing me and it was all I could do to get to 12 minutes. My body just isn't conditioned for this running every day thing, but I thought I would be good to go on Monday since I took Sunday off. Apparently not so. Or apparently I need to stop wearing high heels the entire day before I run. Which would make me oh so sad, because I love my high heels. But I'm wearing a respectable pair of flats today, Calves, so chill the eff out.
I also had every intention of getting up early today to run before I got ready for work. Also a non-starter. I have a hard time getting up in the morning as it is. Shouldn't have had those four glasses of wine last night. That made it damn near impossible to get up in the first place, turning me into a big ball under crumpled covers mumbling "Please, babe, just 10 more minutes" as my husband tried to roll me out of bed; there was no way in hell that I would be getting up even earlier to make it down to the gym.
I just need to stop drinking. Altogther. I have a drinking problem. Not a drinking problem in an alcoholic way; I don't drink every day, I don't drink alone (often), and I don't need a drink to get through the day or anything. I just have bad judgement. The day after, it's always "Oh, shouldn't have had that last glass of wine" or "Oh, shouldn't have had that last Jack and Coke Zero" or "Oh, shouldn't have had those last seven margaritas." I know that having that last one (or seven) is a bad idea. I know that it will make me feel like crap the next day. But I just don't seem to care at the time. All logic goes out the window, AND I MUST HAVE THE ALCOHOL oh please, pretty please, just one more. And then I become a blathering idiot.
I didn't used to be like this. I used to be able to hold my liquor, and hold it well. I could drink guys under the table, without the hangover or the waking up going "How did I get into bed last night? I don't remember going to sleep. Or anything for about an hour before that......" Now, my thing is to get into "serious" conversations when I've had one too many, and promptly forget everything we talked about by the time I wake up. I'll ask Edgar a questions and he'll say "Don't you remember? We talked about this last night?" And I won't and then I'll be sad and embarassed. I feel bad for my husband, my poor husband that has to put up with this. He always has to be the responsible one. But hey, he's eight years older than me, so he gets to be the grown up. When he was going through this phase I was 17 and had barely even started to drink at that point.
I've been getting better though. When we're out with other people, I pace myself, I drink more water, I keep my cool. But when you're at home in the comfort of your own pajamas and on your own couch, tossing back one more doesn't seem like a big deal. Especially if you're not actually tossing them back, but rather sipping them. Like with the wine. We were having a nice evening, what was another glass?
But I digress. This was not the point of this post. The point of this post was to tell you what a failure I am with this working out thing. I use the term failure loosely, since it's not like I've quit working out or even trying. I'm just sad that my body yesterday was not having any part of trying to reach my daily goal. But I am disappointed in myself for not going to the gym this morning, since I won't be able to go this evening. We have to go to the grocery store, and by grocery store I mean three different grocery stores (we're sale shoppers). So by the time we get home it will be almost eight o'clock, and seeing as we'll still need to actually eat dinner and go to bed at a respectable hour, there is no gym time this evening. Thus the wanting to get up early. And being a failure.
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