Edgar left this morning on a business trip to Dallas. He'll be home on Friday at 6:00 pm. I cannot even begin to express how I felt this morning when I dropped him off at the airport.
Since Edgar and I got engaged in 2007, we have spent exactly three nights apart. Those three days were last July while I had to go to Indiana for my bridal shower and to finalize some things for our wedding. That's it. That's almost 2 1/2 years of never having an empty bed.
I am dreading going home tonight.
Sure, we've slept without each other before. "Without each other" in the way of "Oh, I'm tired, I'm going to go into bed right now" and then he comes in an hour later, puts his arms around me, kisses my neck, and falls asleep next to me. "Without each other" in the way of taking a nap on the couch on a random Saturday afternoon. But he's always there. I haven't gone to bed in 2 1/2 years without a good night kiss and the knowledge that my protector was either laying down next to me or in the next room.
Driving away from the departures gate at LAX this morning was like taking a bullet. Because as I watched him in my rear-view mirror go through the automatic doors to the check-in gate, I could see an endless expanse of 3 1/2 days stretched out in front of me without him. Forget the fact that every day of the work week he's at work and I'm at work and we don't see each other until we get home. He's still not here. He's not there to eat dinner with; he's not there to brush my teeth with in the morning. He's in Texas. The land of Cowboys fans and Confederate flags and gun racks and George Bush. It's not safe there! I want that security of knowing that my husband, that my partner in life, is coming home to me at the end of the day; that when I get home he'll be there to put his warm arms around me and give me hug and kiss me and fall asleep holding my hand. Some people might classify this as being wimpy or tell me to grow a pair and suck it up and it's only three nights and you know what? CALL ME A WIMP, I'M FINE WITH THAT.
Eighty one hours to go until he gets back.
1 comments:
aww, i feel bad for you Bia. He should be home now, since Im behind in my reading. But I know how you feel. Since February, when I started dating Steve, we'd gone a total of 36-48ish hours without seeing each other (and not to mention I was all but living at his place, so we'd slept together every night too), & when I went on vacay at the end of July, it was 10 whole days. It sucked booty. So I know how you feel!
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